(Friendly note: Reading may have the following side effects – increased heart rate, social circle reconstruction, being labeled as a “dangerous lover”)
- Fatal Airport Encounter
Pretend to pick up a boarding pass at security: “Your flight is delayed 3 hours? As luck would have it, I’m short a co-pilot on my private tarmac.” Immediately take your partner to the airport bar and decide where to go next in a game of whiskey + Russian roulette (loser pays).
- Reverse psychological warfare
Suddenly on a first date: “I have a rule — I only date people who rile me up within 10 minutes.” When the other person tries to provoke you, smile back and say, “Congratulations, you passed the first test.” Keep a poker face until the bill arrives.
- Virtual reality traps
Invite each other to play a two-player VR game: “The loser will answer the truth – but I will decide the questions.” After deliberately losing, ask the other person to complete an intimate action in the game in real life (such as a princess carrying through the mall).
- Financial circuit breaker mechanism
Pull out three credit cards at the restaurant: “First to pay for the meal, second to pay for tomorrow’s hangover cure, third⦔ Suddenly take away the card: “See if your performance is worth unlocking.” Remember: Play the money game like a Wall Street trader.
- Tattoo shop speed
Take each other to a tattoo studio: “Choose a joint design on your body where only you and I can see it.” If the person flinch, immediately say: “Then tattoo my name on your phone password.”
- Workplace taboo rules
Private LinkedIn crush: “I am preparing the ‘Human Quality Love Experiment’ and need a subject with strong stress tolerance.” Attached is a refined “Experimental Agreement” (including heartbeat tests, extreme challenges, etc.).
- Pet abduction schemes
Walking a dog with the dog on purpose: “This dog is close to its future owner – either adopt him or date me for three months.” The whole process uses mobile phones to shoot each other’s reactions and later clips into “love hostage video”.
- The politically incorrect test
On the second date suddenly says, “I’m going to tell you three unforgivable secrets, and you can leave right away.” After listing the trivial things, add: “Secret number four — I’ve fallen in love with you.”
- Time Capsule Conspiracy
Renting the planetarium dome: “We wrote down three prophecies about each other that will be verified here in five years.” If it all comes true⦔ Suddenly the lights turn off: “Start planning a baby tonight.”
- Break up quantum mechanics
When the decision is over, send a message: “According to the theory of parallel universes, we are still madly in love in some time and space. Now there are two options: A. delete all contact information and B. Become insurance for each other’s affairs.”
β‘οΈ Ultimate meaning:
The supreme rule of American dating is to treat every encounter like a movie audition:
Always retain 30% mystery (like suddenly disappearing 24 hours later with a new tattoo)
Create the illusion of “sunk costs” (involving the other party in your crazy plan)
Turn breakups into performance art (see # 10)
Now open Uber, type in “nearest tattoo parlor,” and post a screenshot of this article on your Tinder profile with the caption: “Looking for a relationship partner who can take three bullets.” Adrenaline and fate do the rest.
(Disclaimer: The author of this article has purchased accident insurance for all recommendations, and readers are advised to bring their own first aid kit.)
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